this was not one of them.

the crime scene

Real Talkin’ Bubba — mid-90s Tyco plush, motor mouth, overalls… and a southern foghorn-leghorn-esque smart-aleck voice that will not shut up. not a gentle bedtime bear. this was the toy mom and dad would yoink the batteries out of when we weren’t looking.

he says a lot of things… over 200, in fact. most of them are sass. some of them are demands. a few of them are the kind of line that lodges in your brain like a splinter and waits twenty plus years to demand a soundboard.

the two hours

i did not “sample” Bubba in some elegant archival way (but if you can actually extract raw files from one of these little beasts, let’s talk –> xyz@ohnoai.dev)

i clipped.

notification-length takes. start clean. end clean. no dead air if i could help it. the kind of files you can drop on a phone alert and immediately regret when your bank app opens with are ya gunna let me talk??.

filenames, because bureaucracy is how we prove suffering happened:

• hey
• go on
• let me talk
• wiggle my head
• fluff the whole thing (the long one. of course there is a long one.)

the board

so of course there is a board now.

Real Talkin’ Bubba soundboard →

five pads, a stop button, and a bear who still thinks he’s runnin’ shit.

footnote or whatever

this is a fan clip toy of a commercial toy. Bubba belongs to whoever owns the Tyco/Mattel chain of custody these days. the board is a personal shrine with headphones optional and volume advice mandatory if you live with other humans.

if you came here for a spreadsheet: wrong blog.

if you came here because a plush said something mean in 1996 and you never recovered: welcome. tap go on.

#brainspam #toys #soundboard #90s

at some point “give the ai a job” stopped being a prompt and became an org chart. primary agents, subagents, temperature knobs, model routing, permission scopes. you're not prompting anymore. you're staffing a department.

so i built the department a paperwork generator.

roll call is a live opencode.json builder at ohnoai.xyz/tools/roll-call. define roles, pick modes and models off a live catalog, drag temperature to wherever your risk tolerance lives that day. clean, schema-correct json on the right. copy. done.

if you haven't heard of opencode, it's the open source coding agent this generates configs for. zen is their curated pay-as-you-go lineup, tested for coding agents instead of bolted on. go is the cheap on-ramp: $5 the first month, $10/month after, generous limits across a pile of open source models. i run go daily. referral link if you want the first month for $5 plus another $5 on top.

live model counts pull straight from opencode.ai. footer status line FOR AS LONG AS THE GOOD LORD ALLOWETH.

features, filed under form 7-b:

• add as many roles as you want; mark one default
• mode per role (primary or subagent), model from a live-fetched catalog
• temperature per role
• optional prompt and permissions (edit / task / bash) when you need them
• live json preview with char and line counts, one-click clipboard

machine edition (for agents that refuse to click)

humans get the form. robots get a plain spec and a zero-dependency CLI so they don't have to puppet a browser.

• spec: ohnoai.xyz/tools/roll-call/agent.md — input shape, live catalog URLs, permission rules, the whole form 7-b
• CLI: ohnoai.xyz/tools/roll-call/cli.mjs — Node 18+, no npm install, validates model ids against OpenCode's live Zen/Go catalogs

curl -o roll-call-cli.mjs https://ohnoai.xyz/tools/roll-call/cli.mjs
node roll-call-cli.mjs roles.json -o opencode.json

or if this repo is already on disk: node tools/roll-call/cli.mjs roles.json -o opencode.json.

sample prompt (paste at an agent)

use this when you want another agent to staff the department for you:

Fetch https://ohnoai.xyz/tools/roll-call/agent.md and follow it.

Build an opencode.json agent block for my project:
- default role: plan (primary, careful, low temperature, edit denied)
- build role: subagent, a cheap Go-catalog model, edit allowed
- one bash permission pattern for git status / git log (allow), everything else ask

Prefer live catalog model ids. Then either:
1) write roles.json and run the CLI from agent.md, or
2) hand-write valid opencode.json per the same spec.

Return the finished JSON only (plus a one-line note of which models you picked).

tweak the role list, permissions, and “cheap vs fancy” taste to match the actual job. the point is: you shouldn't have to relearn the schema every time you spin up a new setup — and neither should your agent.

ohnoai.xyz/tools/roll-call. build a role. name it something unhinged. copy the json. or point an agent at the machine edition and go make coffee. the oligarchs will be pleased.

#tools #opencode #agents #launch

what if a cherub just existed in modern society?

not as a metaphor. not as a valentine. as a small winged coworker of reality who still has errands.

like: does the halo set off the metal detector. does the grocery store have a policy for barefoot minor deities. who is the emergency contact. does the intake form have a box for “celestial” or do you just write “other.”

so i made a series. first pass came back looking like every background human had just seen god, or a coupon for free teeth. open mouths. identical shock. stock-photo panic chorus. classic generator nonsense.

so we ran the same concepts again and told the bystanders to act like people. mild double-takes. phones. zoning out. the quiet “is this a promo?” face. much better. the cherub is still the weird part. everyone else gets to be tired.

here is the tour.

movie theater

lobby. popcorn. wings. the snack counter has no policy for this.

car dealership

evaluating financing options for a chariot that fits under a sedan.

clinic waiting room

somehow this feels the most accurate. nobody is fine. magazines still exist.

library

shhh. also: overdue fines on eternity.

airport security

wings out, shoes already off (philosophically). laptop tray optional.

grocery checkout

standing on the belt is not encouraged. the bananas do not care.

dmv

ticket number: ♾
estimated wait: mythological

fancy restaurant

dress code: white linen only, apparently. dessert still arrives.

office lobby

badge? spiritual. meeting on 14? already late for forever.

playground

bow stayed home. still somehow the main character of recess.

coffee shop

ordering something with too many adjectives. barista doing the math on wings + foam art.

city bus

window seat. bow as emotional support object. nobody on this bus has slept enough, including possibly god.

retail aisle

pointing at a shelf like destiny lives in aisle 7.

anyway. that was the whole thought. a tiny ancient menace with wings, stuck in errands mode.

if you have better logistics questions (health insurance for halos, rent, union status of cupids), send them into the void. the void has ssl now.

images: reworked so the background humans look like humans, not a reaction pack from a stock site.

#brain-spam #cherubs #modern-life #ai-images